It’s All The Birds’ Fault

The wife said, “Hocky puck, this time you have gone too far,
What have you done with the money that was in the cookie jar?”
“Oh my apple dumpling with thick cream, my fountain of joy,
I know you’ll understand that my amazon needed a new toy.”The wife said, “Explain, you spineless tiptoeing tulip,
Who made all those love bites on your lower lip?”
I plead, “Oh, love of my life, the source of all my bliss,
Tis the result of teaching my green cheek conure to kiss!”

The wife said, “You miserable piece of wilted watercress,
Who is the chippy who made the scratches on your chest?”
“Ah, wonderful marvelous one, as every birdie knows,
That was the result of forgetting to clip me budgie’s toes!”

The wife said, “Twit, you’re a cheat! You mutter in your sleep,
Saying, ‘I love you’ & ‘daddys girl’ instead of counting sheep.”
“But, my munchsken, she who I must always obey,
Those are but the words I’ve been teaching my grey.”

The wife said, “You lie! You messy un-made bed,
First you say the eclectus is green and now you say it’s red.”
“Oh mother of all my children unborn, please don’t mock,
It is but a matter of sex, the red is a hen, the green is a cock.”

The wife said, “Explain, you half cooked clam chowder,
Why what’s on your jacket isn’t my shade of powder?”,
“Oh darling”, said I, “Please don’t make a big to-do,
That’s nothing more nor less than the dust of me cockatoo

The wife said, “Stupid jerk, I have caught you cheating,
Hickies on your neck means a divorce judge you’ll be greeting!”
“Oh winsome woman of my dreams, I must confess,
These marks prove my blue & gold preens me to excess!”

So most honorable judge, here I sit all broken hearted,
My true love is threatening to become truly departed,
I stand accused of loving others by my wife,
Little beauties clad in gaudy colors now control my life.

It seems I must throw myself upon the mercy of the court,
For when I come home, even a day late and a dollar short,
My step on the walk or key turning in the lock, seems to start
Voices saying, ‘Hi, hello, pretty bird’ that melt my aching heart.

I now realize that I am fully addicted to the core,
When I get one bird, I just must have one more,
I beg your understanding for something I just can’t halt,
And dear judge please remember – IT’S ALL THE BIRDS’ FAULT.