Medicating Parrots (A Bit of Humor)

Occasionally, we find it necessary to medicate our feathered friends. Here are some pointers to help you with this task.

FIRST APPLICATION:

  • Retrieve the bird from the cage.
  • Set the bird on a table and hold its head by carefully grasping the neck where it joins the lower jaw, or mandible.
  • With your other hand, grasp the medicine syringe and place the tip into the left side of the bird’s mouth.
  • Depress the plunger and squirt the medicine toward the back of the bird’s throat.
  • Wipe excess medicine from the bird’s beak.
  • Place the bird back in the cage.

SUBSEQUENT APPLICATIONS:

  • Attempt to retrieve the bird from the cage.
  • Apply bandages as necessary to wounds on your hands and arms.
  • Retrieve the bird from its new hiding place under the coffee table.
  • Carefully immobilize the bird’s head to prevent further tissue damage to your body.
  • Attempt to break the “Vulcan Death Grip” and remove the bird’s feet from your hand.
  • Apply more bandages and a strong analgesic cream to the new wounds on your hands and arms.
  • Immobilize the bird by carefully wrapping it in a bath towel.
  • Watch in amazement as the bird “morphs.” Its head and tail will probably swap position, putting your tender flesh in mortal danger again.
  • Hold the bird snugly in its terrycloth prison.
  • Grasp the medicine syringe. Try to stop trembling in fear and pain. Place the tip of the syringe into the left side of the bird’s mouth.
  • Ignore the crushed tip. Depress the plunger and squirt the medicine toward the back of the bird’s throat.
  • Wipe excess medicine out of your eyes and off the drapes.
  • Release the bird and squirt medicine in the general vicinity of its face. Some medicine may actually go into the mouth. The rest will be absorbed by osmosis.
  • Shoo the bird back to the cage.
  • Spend the rest of the day attempting to regain the bird’s affection with yummy snacks and new toys.